The Struggle

I tried to hold them in. I struggled to put on my~everything's fine, no problems, no worries, just fine~face. But the moisture filled. The lids spilled. I'm not a crier. I've always tried to be tough.  In my mind the only thing crying accomplishes is making me feel worse, weak, emotionally unstable. 

Hold it together.

You can do this.

Things will get better.

Truth is, sometimes, the problems mount up. Problems that seem unending. Issues that seem impossible. I'm in the dark tunnel; walking, jogging, running...trying to see the light. I get tired. I busy myself in mindless things. I try not to look at it. But it's there. It's big; looming above, in front, beside and behind. There's no escaping it. Not tears, not tasks, not the fake smile. No...it's right here. 

So what do I do? I need help. 

I open my notebook. I read. It's my safe place, this $1.00 notebook. I hide my heart treasures within its covers; words, prayers, answered prayers, Scripture verses...they're all there. Words...some shared on this blog, others~things God has whispered to my soul during quiet time with Him. It's priceless. 

The first letters pop~"Faith Walk" This is no accident...no coincidence. The Scripture I wrote down months ago:
"Jesus answered, “Neither hath this man sinned nor his parents, but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." John 9:3

I continued to read...my writing about faith. It was before this trial, perhaps during another one...this life, full of them. Faith writing, faith in trials, faith in impossible: 
"Trials push us beyond our own strength. It asks us to look to God when we cannot bare the burden and weight. We are deceived in thinking we're sufficient in ourselves. We need to recognize our deficiency and seek Jesus' sufficiency DAILY, asking, "What would Jesus do in our situation?" 

He is our example. He always spent time with His Father. During His greatest trials, in the garden of Gethsemane, in heading to the Cross, He went and spent time alone, praying. The faith, trust, strength and endurance needed from God. He knew what was ahead. Jesus sat with His Father, it is there that He was filled.

I need filling. I need to be held. I need to know that this will work out for His good and perfect will.  

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

So I make a choice. I choose to sit and spend time with the Lord. I choose to be still. I find all things that I need for this moment, this day, right here with God. 

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

HIS GRACE is sufficient for me. HIS STRENGTH is made perfect in weakness. Thank you Lord!

Why Am I Suffering?

I was looking for something to send out to my "Morning Devotional Group," (a group of friends that I email every morning with encouraging, inspirational thoughts, stories and scriptures) when I came across a book, "Reflections of His Image-God's Purpose For Your Life," by Nancy Missler, which was sitting on my bookshelf. It was full of dust...forgotten and hidden over the years. It grabbed my attention, I pulled it out, dusted it off and started scanning, looking for something to jump off the pages. That's when I abruptly stopped and read this: 

THE PURPOSE OF SUFFERING

"Those of us who have lived long enough understand that life itself includes suffering. The 9th chapter of Ecclesiastes 9 points us to the truth that "all things come alike to all." Misfortune and evil and calamity and "time and chance" happen to everyone. (verses 2, 11) However, we also know that God is above all these things and He will use any or all of them as He sees fit to accomplish His perfect will in our lives. Suffering can be a result of our own sin, the sins of others, the schemes of Satan or from the fallen state of the human race. Here are a few other reasons suffering occurs: 

1)    To produce brokenness

2)    To destroy anything in our lives that is worthless, empty and steering us in  the wrong direction.

3)    To make us more pliable.

4)    To make us more Christ-like

5)    To endow us with more power.

6)    To experience the "fellowship of His sufferings," and

7)    To teach us how to help others, by our own experiences.

Another of God's purposes for suffering is to highlight the things in our own lives that must be dealt with. He wants us to make an honest self-evaluation of ourselves, which in turn, should lead us to confession, repentance and a change of lifestyle. "And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to test thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep His commandments, or not." (Deuteronomy 8:2) 

God put the book of Job, the longest book of the Bible, right in the center of the Bible for a very good reason: it's an example of faith in the night seasons and the determination never to give up. God intends for all of us to use this book as a "road map" through the dark times, always keeping in mind that at the end of the road, Job finally "saw" himself and God as he never had before, changing his life forever. (Job 42:5)" 

What a powerful reminder of continuing to seek the Lord during times of trial, asking for His wisdom, strength, patience and guidance through life's storms. Don't give up! Don't lose hope! Stand strong in the knowledge that through this you will come out victorious as you put your trust in the Lord every second, minute and hour of the day. Call out to Him and know that He is guiding you safely through this dark place. YOU ARE LOVED!

 

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2  
"My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:5
"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." James 4:10
"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:" 1 Peter 5:6   

The Power of Your Words

Let the Lord be the wind in your Sails

Do you know there is power in your words? Your words can build up or tear down. I had the incredible opportunity to use words to help someone. This was a young girl on the other side of the world. A girl I’d never met personally, but through my blog, I “stumbled” across her blog. I will use the word “stumble” very lightly because I know that God was answering my prayers. I asked to be used. I asked to help someone who was hurting, just as Jesus Christ helped me and put people in my life to encourage me to keep pushing ahead when I wanted to give up; pointing me to the Lord and His ability to make all things new.

When I “met” this sweet, broken, lost girl, she was suicidal (which unfortunately is very common in the Asian culture due to the high pressure to succeed.) With each of her posts I found myself without words, unable to “talk” her out of the thoughts she was having. But the one thing I did know; God was highlighting this young, beautiful girl and HE knew the words that she needed to hear. I spent time praying, reading the scriptures and asking for HIS WORDS to fill me up as I typed my responses to her. I knew that God had a plan and I was finally open to be an instrument in His hand.

I know that I am no one particularly great or special, just a once broken...now healed woman through Jesus Christ's forgiving love. I have been given the ability to write, a gift from God and I want to use it FOR HIM and HIS PURPOSE. My hands floated effortlessly over the keyboards, thoughts spilling out, pouring God’s life affirming words of love, forgiveness, kindness, grace, hope, promise, truth and the perfect and wonderful plan He has for her life. I watched the words spring to life; a new encouragement in response to her heart ache each and every week. I consistently prayed and relied on the Lord for help to reach this lost, hurting girl.  Slowly, as the months passed, she began to change. Her posts were no longer of suicide, but of hope. She was beginning to see herself through God’s eyes. The lies of the enemy, washed away through the Lords truth and love.

It’s been several years since our first meeting. She now affectionately refers to me as her “American Mama.” I recently posted a story about my dad on my blog on the one year anniversary of his passing, “CLIMB YOUR MOUNTAIN-A TRUE STORY OF DAVID BOLDA,” and I wanted to share a portion of a comment she left after reading my post: “I would not have survived my struggle with suicide and the depression I had back then if it wasn't because of your constant caring, uplifting and understanding comments. I am living a good life now, and I too will take on his example. I will fight everything that comes my way, I will look at the world positively and I will be grateful and happy.” God had worked a miracle! He had reached this young girl all the way across the world!

Your words have life giving power. Allow the Lord into your day. Ask for His Words to fill you up and help you be a blessing to others. In my own ability, I would never have been able to reach into that young girl’s life, but the Lord knew exactly what she needed to hear. Are you willing to step outside of your comfort zone and ask the Lord to use you? It may be difficult, but never underestimate what the Lord has in store for your life. Are you willing to allow Him to use your words and life for HIS GOOD AND PERFECT PLAN? Pray today and ask for His will in your life…there is someone who needs you. God is waiting for you to say, “Send me Lord!”

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galations 6:9

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” Psalm 34:8

A DEVASTATING LESSON

 Daul Kim-Swarovski Campaign by Sofia and Mauro

On November 19th, 2009 I awoke to something devastating. It began a year prior, when I started following Daul, a famous Korean Fashion Model's Blog. She was not only beautiful, but very intelligent, honest, witty, sarcastic & artistic. All the qualities that make for an interesting read, not to mention, I loved her catch phrase, "Say hi to..." As time went by, her posts took a darker turn. She talked about depression and insomnia. I often left upbeat comments and felt a "tug at my heart" to 'talk' to her about the Lord, but I didn't want to seem too "preachy."

On November 18, 2009, I clicked on her post, "Say hi to...Forever." It was a You Tube techno video of her favorite band. I started to leave a comment, but then erased it...I wasn't sure what to say. The next day I saw a news post, she was found dead in her Paris apartment. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I cried. In her anguish & despair she'd taken her life at only 20 years old.

I vowed never again to waste an opportunity to share the healing power of my Savior's love with someone. To never let the fear of rejection or the opinion of others stand in the way of sharing Christ's life saving, life changing, gift. The Lord put it on my heart & I'd ignored the prompting. It was a heart wrenching lesson for me.

Several months later, a young girl from Malaysia began following my Blog via...Daul's Blog. When I clicked on her site, the title read, "I often think of suicide." I couldn't believe I was getting another chance to share! Her posts talked of her deep depression. I began to pray for the Lord's words and not mine before responding to her. I added her to our church prayer list. Over the past year we have become very close & she calls me her, "American Mama." Through Heavenly Father's Restorative Love, she no longer talks about suicide, and is able to see purpose in her life. Her Blog title now reads, "A difficult time can be more readily endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a purpose, a cause to pursue, a person to love, a goal to achieve." 

Don't waste an opportunity that Heavenly Father puts before you due to fear or rejection. Trust in the Lord. Ask for His words & guidance in the situation. Be willing to allow Him to use you!

"And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though the briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. But you son of man, listen to what I say to you. do not rebel like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you."

Ezekiel 2:6-8

And it will be said: "Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people." For this is what the high and lofty One says-he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite."

Isaiah 57:14-15

But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 
"Now, I have put my words in your mouth." 
Jeremiah 1:7-9


"Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them."
Jeremiah 1:17

The Cost of a Life

I recently heard a disturbing story while looking for a childhood friend/neighbor. I found out he'd done very well for himself. He owned his own company, obtained all the luxuries, status and financial stability that we all seek. He had a wonderful family, a wife, beautiful teenage triplet daughters, and two grown sons.

Suddenly, when the stock market crashed two years ago, his money and dreams fell with it. He lost it all. In his despair, he ended his life.

Another lost life over meaningless, worldly treasure. His possessions and status defined him.

How much is his life worth, hundreds and thousands of dollars...millions? Can any amount of money replace the loss of a husband, father, son or friend?

The Bible says, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

What are you chasing after each day? What have you put in front of your relationship with the Lord?

My friend lost sight of who he was in Christ? He lost sight of his true worth and value. His priorities were taken over by the worlds definition of value; a shallow, lonely pit of lies and deceit. Yes, we all need to live and provide for our families, but when an abundance of money, or lack of it consumes your thoughts, it's time to re-assess your priorities.

I want to remind each one of you to spend the necessary time allowing the Lord to fill your emptiness through a relationship with Him. Put on the full armor of God each morning. Don't lose your way through worldly deception.

Seek, rely on, put your faith, hope, trust and dreams in the one who is able to supply ALL your needs no matter what the circumstances appear to be.

What is the true value of your life?

YOU ARE PRICELESS!

He says to you each day, "BE STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD."
Psalms 46:10

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!"

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:13-19