I tried to hold them in. I struggled to put on my~everything's fine, no problems, no worries, just fine~face. But the moisture filled. The lids spilled. I'm not a crier. I've always tried to be tough. In my mind the only thing crying accomplishes is making me feel worse, weak, emotionally unstable.
Hold it together.
You can do this.
Things will get better.
Truth is, sometimes, the problems mount up. Problems that seem unending. Issues that seem impossible. I'm in the dark tunnel; walking, jogging, running...trying to see the light. I get tired. I busy myself in mindless things. I try not to look at it. But it's there. It's big; looming above, in front, beside and behind. There's no escaping it. Not tears, not tasks, not the fake smile. No...it's right here.
So what do I do? I need help.
I open my notebook. I read. It's my safe place, this $1.00 notebook. I hide my heart treasures within its covers; words, prayers, answered prayers, Scripture verses...they're all there. Words...some shared on this blog, others~things God has whispered to my soul during quiet time with Him. It's priceless.
The first letters pop~"Faith Walk" This is no accident...no coincidence. The Scripture I wrote down months ago:
"Jesus answered, “Neither hath this man sinned nor his parents, but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." John 9:3
I continued to read...my writing about faith. It was before this trial, perhaps during another one...this life, full of them. Faith writing, faith in trials, faith in impossible:
"Trials push us beyond our own strength. It asks us to look to God when we cannot bare the burden and weight. We are deceived in thinking we're sufficient in ourselves. We need to recognize our deficiency and seek Jesus' sufficiency DAILY, asking, "What would Jesus do in our situation?"
He is our example. He always spent time with His Father. During His greatest trials, in the garden of Gethsemane, in heading to the Cross, He went and spent time alone, praying. The faith, trust, strength and endurance needed from God. He knew what was ahead. Jesus sat with His Father, it is there that He was filled.
I need filling. I need to be held. I need to know that this will work out for His good and perfect will.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to purpose." Romans 8:28
So I make a choice. I choose to sit and spend time with the Lord. I choose to be still. I find all things that I need for this moment, this day, right here with God.
"And He said to me, Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
HIS GRACE is sufficient for me. HIS STRENGTH is made perfect in weakness. Thank you Lord!