I raced up the stairs. I was late. Nothing new for me. The colors were everywhere, purple, pink, orange, green; all tightly bound...ready to be released in a fury. A sigh escaped as I moved in tightly. More colors arrived, pushing into the crowded half circle; glares, stares and chatter filled the air. The door opened signaling the beginning of the battle. A stampede pushing in. I joined them. My aggressive personality always serving me well to get what I want, when I want it. I raced to the corner, unwinding the bind, laying down one mat and then another beside it. A loud "UHHH!" filled the air as I ignored it and rolled out.
Last week the same person who said, "UHHH!" had busted in on my spot and literally dropped her mat directly on top of mine. I was the one angry and making unpleasant noises. I was determined to "win" this week. My competitive nature and temperament kicking in. "Oh no you didn't!"
But as I laid on my mat, preparing for the always overcrowded class to begin, something began to tug at my heart, to whisper, "I have called you to be a servant, to show Christ-like love in any and ALL circumstances. There it was, the correcting of my bad behavior. Throughout the class I tried to justify it in my mind but couldn't shake the truth. As the class was winding down a CRAZY thought entered my mind, "Apologize to her." What? She did it to me last week! I won this week.
Again, "Apologize, you aren't showing Christ-like love." UGH...conviction.
Let's get one thing straight, I struggle not only with always wanting to win, but also apologizing. I'm a justifier (yes, more areas for Jesus to work on and repair.)
It was unshakeable and I knew what I had to do. The claps signaled the class was over. Time to show up and show how Jesus is working in my heart , mind and life. I got up and walked over to the lady who had set up directly behind me during the class. I leaned in...boom...boom...boom, my heart was pounding in my ears. Can she hear it too?
"I need to apologize to you for busting in on the spot you wanted. It wasn't very Christ-like of me. She smiled cordially and said, "That's okay." "No, really, I am sorry. I knew you wanted that spot and I pushed my way in. It was not Christ-like. Next week I'll make sure I'm behind you." She grinned, her aging eyes crinkling at the corners (yes, she was an older woman). Could it get any worse for me and my bad behavior? She graciously said, "This class is really crowded and I call myself a wall flower...I do like to be up against the side wall." Smiling I replied, "Well next week it's yours!" She giggled and thanked me. She stood up, rolled up her mat and stood there lingering a bit. I think she was a little surprised and caught off guard. I gathered my things and took the opportunity to introduce myself. She held out her hand and said, "I'm Mandy." "Nice to meet you Mandy...next week I won't be so aggressive," I replied. She laughed out loud as we said our goodbyes.
My son Elijah was there witnessing my behavior and my apology. I want to be a true example of who Jesus is; what He does when He enters the heart. I'm grateful for the reminders. The correction, for it's in those moments that the Teacher is teaching and the student is learning.
Lord, today please help me to be a true reflection of You. Help me to overcome my weaknesses. I need You to continually remind me of where I'm falling short; renewing my brokenness with Your healing touch. I say these things in your Mighty and Holy Name, Jesus, Amen.